Sean Spicer is Terrible, But Leave Gum Out of It

Sean Spicer is Terrible, But Leave Gum Out of It

I’m totally on board with shitting on White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. To put it simply, he’s a dramatically unqualified misinformation spouting shill for an administration that has an obvious totalitarian agenda.

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He sucks. Fuck him.

There are so many good reasons to hate Sean Spicer, so can we leave his gum chewing out of it? Please?

News and entertainment outlets everywhere love to make fun of Sean Spicer for his gum chewing. Melissa McCarthy hilariously wadded up a giant stick of gum and shoved it in her mouth while playing Sean Spicer on SNL. It was funny stuff, we all had a good laugh.

However,my heart bleeds a bit for Sean Spicer. I’m an avid gum-chewer. So I share his struggle. I love to chew gum; bubble gum, minty gum, gumballs, chiclets. You name it, I’ll chew it. And like the White House Press Secretary, I swallow it too.

I’ve looked into it, what Sean Spicer’s doctor says is true. It’s not really harmful to swallow gum. As long as you are an adult with an adult-sized esophagus and digestive system, chances are you’ll be just fine (it is a different story for children because their parts are smaller). The miniscule risk that is related to gum swallowing is waaaay lower than more acceptable bad habits like drinking coffee.

Not to mention, gum swallowing is good for the environment. Chewing gum is not biodegradable. When you spit it on the sidewalk or in the dirt, it’s going to stay there until it gets washed away or eaten by an animal with a tiny esophagus. And it will probably die. Basically, spitting your gum is murder.

Even if you spit it into the wrapper and put it in the trashcan like a civilized person, it’s just going to end up in a landfill where it will stay FOREVER. Because it won’t biodegrade. There are millions of tons of gum wads in a landfill somewhere, just waiting to be discovered by some puzzled future archeologist.

Ask yourself, what’s more gross, sticking your chewed gum under a table, or just swallowing the stuff?

Here’s the bottom line:All adults should swallow their gum. It’s the right thing to do.

So please, make fun of Sean Spicer’s lies, his girlishness, and the fact that he’s totally in way over his head. But let’s just leave the gum chewing out of it. Okay?

By the way: that stuff about gum staying in your stomach for 7 years? FAKE NEWS!